When my oldest daughter was 12 weeks-old, I was in Central Park with my closest friend and her 4 week-old daughter, on our first “playdate.” The babies were sprawled across matching muslin wraps on the grass as we rattled toys over their excited faces. It was a scene you’ve either been a part of or witnessed many times. At some point, I started to sing to my baby and my friend asked, “Do you find yourself singing all the time?” I thought about it, laughed, and replied, “Yes, all the time. I wonder why?” She jokingly, but astutely answered with a question, “Because what else do you say to a newborn?” The subtext of the conversation really was, “How do you be a mom?” And, although we broached the topic, we quickly buried our uncertainties far beneath the muslin wraps and moved on to other conversations.
In that moment, I could see all of my anxieties, fears, and insecurities reflected in her eyes, but we silently agreed to remain quiet. I thought about this conversation often in the following months. What struck a chord with me was that I could easily explain “motherese,” the language and tone women use when they speak to their infants, from my knowledge of Developmental Psychology. What I couldn’t figure out, however, was why I was finding it hard to talk openly with my friend. And I’ve wondered, “With whom can mothers share their fears, anger, anxiety, and overall feelings of loss of control?”
In response, I decided to start a group. A group for women to talk about anything and everything that they have experienced since becoming mothers. I couldn’t believe the response! Within two weeks I had enough women to form a group. Within eight weeks, I had enough to form a recurring group. In the fourth meeting, one woman said, “I am a much more relaxed mom since joining this group.” And I believed her.
NYC Mom Support is my vision. It’s a safe space where women can speak “mom talk” in adult tones without the fear of being judged. It’s not just a place to learn the latest sleep training tools (although you will). It is a place to discuss what it FEELS like to sleep train. As a mother I can empathize with these feelings and as a therapist I can help to put them into words and identify coping techniques.